After having an engaging conversation with my (Anna here) family communication students about researcher John Gottman’s idea of “bids of connection,” I walked home thinking to myself, “I need to do a better job of bidding to connect with my own hubby.” In his book entitled, The Relationship Cure: A Five-Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships (2001), Gottman defines a bid for connection as, “A question, a gesture, a look, a touch – any single expression that says, ‘I want to feel connected to you.’ A response to a bid is just that – a positive or negative answer to somebody’s request for emotional connection” (p. 4).
I told my hubby that I wanted to do a better job of bidding for connection. I also told him that I appreciated his call during the day to check and see how my day was going with Thomas (a clear bid that I hadn’t recognized or acknowledged to the best of my ability). His work days can be quite unpredictable, so a call is not something I expect. The next day he had time to call me again to ask how our day was going. He also added, “…just bidding.”
All together now: “Awwwwwwww.”
Bid away, Happy Couples. It takes very little effort, but it makes a really big difference!
And because blog posts are more fun when they include a photo, below is a picture from Halloween.
No, Thomas did not dress as a cute kid for Halloween (well, as his mom, I’m allowed to think he accomplished both!). He’s Marty McFly from Back to the Future! See the resemblance? He had a costume change into a pea pod later on. His dad was very particular about the costume’s authenticity. They ran all over town trying to find the right articles of clothing. We had a blast in our new neighborhood!